While watching the movie MOMMIE DEAREST (1981) last night, a movie so bad that it was good, I started wondering what happened to the children of Joan Crawford. She adopted a total of four children, and whether or not there was any truth to MOMMIE DEAREST, Crawford did do a lot for the plight of orphans in this country in the 1940s or so it appeared.
Christina Crawford was born in Los Angeles California on June 1, 1939 out of wedlock to a teenage mother and a father who was in the Navy. Joan adopted Christina, in early 1940, before she was one-year-old. Joan at the time was a single woman and she had originally named Christina - Joan Crawford Jr. Thankfully Joan changed her daughter's name to Christina - there was only one Joan Crawford, and Joan wanted the whole world to know that
Many people observed the abusive and obessive side of Joan Crawford. However, several witnessed the demanding, bratty, rotten nature of Christina as a child. She was a spoiled brat who demanded more and more out of Joan Crawford and when Christina didn't get her way she acted out against Joan. Christina was sent to boarding school at a young age - this was a common thing with Hollywood stars to do with their children - Christina was probably sent earlier due to her unfavorable attitude as a young child. Many children of child stars were sent to boarding school because of the demands of the celebrities' career. Once Christina was sent to boarding school she only saw Joan Crawford on school breaks, holidays and other special occasions.
Christina and Joan Crawford never had a warm relationship but in the later part of 1968, they appeared on television for a fund raiser and seemed to have patched up their differences and were seen together laughing and enjoying each other's company. It was the last time Christina would see her mother Joan Crawford alive.
In 1977, Joan Crawford died on May 10th of what was reported as "acute coronary occlusion," but the actual cause of her death was liver cancer. After Joan's death her will - which was last revised on October 28th 1976 -was read and a harsh reality was dealt to Christina Crawford. Joan's will stated... "It is my intention to make no provision herein for my son Christopher or my daughter Christina for reasons which are well known to them." Christina contested the will and received $27,500. This naturally sparked retaliation from Christina and the book "Mommie Dearest" was born soon after Joan's death in 1978. The book was a best seller and raised awareness about child abuse across the nation. When Christina initiated a movie with her second husband David Koontz (married 1976-divorced 1982) Christina's credibility was challenged. The movie "Mommie Dearest" was released in 1981 and was so over the top and exaggerated that many questioned the "truth" about Christina's allegations. The movie went on to be voted the worst movie of 1981 and was awarded a Razzie Award in 1982 for the worst movie of 1981. "Mommie Dearest" also won a Razzie Award for Worst Film of the 1980s.
In 1981, Christina suffered a near fatal stroke that took her five years to recover from. After her recovery from her stroke and her divorce, she moved to the Northwest and ran a bed and breakfast called Seven Springs Farms in Sanders, Idaho with her third husband Michael Brazzel, from 1994- 1999.
Currently, Christina Crawford, who is single, works as a Special Events Manager at the Coeur d'Alene Casino in Idaho. Christina never had any children of her own. Christina recently has appeared on several Joan Crawford documentaries over the past several years.
While it is not known if Joan Crawford was as abusive as Christina said, it is also not known that she was not that abusive. The public just does not know either way.
Phillip Terry Jr. was born on October 15, 1943 and was adopted by both Joan Crawford and her then husband Phillip Terry in 1943. After Joan divorced Terry in 1946, Crawford changed her sons name to Christopher Crawford. Christopher Crawford was a quiet child, but became defiant at home when he found out he was adopted. Christopher became difficult and defiant at home, he was labeled as a "problem child" by many schools that he was kicked out of. Christopher ran away from home on many occasions, searching for his "real" mother and father. Christopher admitted later in life he was a "brat" as a child and "difficult."
At the young age of 16 he stole a car, Crawford could not control his wild behavior and Christopher left home before he was 18 years old. Christopher married a waitress and had his first child with her by the time he was 19 years old. In 1962, Christopher was living in Miami and working as a lifeguard. In 1962, Christopher visited his mother with his wife and baby. Crawford said, "It doesn't look like you. It's probably a bastard." That was the last time Christopher ever saw his mother, Joan Crawford.
Christopher had a rough life. He divorced his first wife, with whom he had three children with and entered the Vietnam War in the late 1960's. He did not have a close relationship with his three grown children and in a 1981 interview he was asked about his three grown children and their whereabouts, all he said was "no idea."
Christopher waived any rights to the book and movie, "Mommie Dearest" for $10,000. Christopher was also left out of Joan Crawford's will. Christopher contested the will and received $27,500. Christopher Crawford did visit his sister Christina in the 1990s at her bed and breakfast in Idaho on a few occasions.
Christopher Crawford died of cancer on September 22, 2006, at approximately 10:50 am, at the Eastern Long Island Hospital in Greenport, New York. Christopher was 62 years old when he died.
Cathy and Cynthia Crawford were born on January 13, 1947 in Dyersburg, Tennessee. Cathy and Cynthia's mother died a week after they were born from kidney failure and their skittish father abandoned the mother and children. Joan adopted the twin girls in June of 1947 from the Tennessee Children's Home Society. Cathy and Cynthia had an enjoyable childhood.
In 1960, both Cathy and Cynthia moved to New York City with Joan Crawford after Joan's fourth husband, Al Steele, died.
Cynthia Crawford was in boarding school from age eight and eventually attended Dubuque University. It was at Dubuque University where she met her husband and became pregnant with her first child. In 1967, at 20 years of age, married Mr. Jordan and moved into a trailer in Dubuque, Iowa. They had two children together - Jan and Joel. In 1976, Cynthia divorced her husband after nine years of marriage. After Joan's death in 1977, Cynthia worked in a show store earning $150.00 a week and living off of the $ 77,000 inheritance from Crawford's estate. Cynthia moved to Jackson, Miss., in 1984, but the work played out after six months, leaving her on welfare and without a place to live. She worked and saved until she had enough money for an apartment. In 1990 Cynthia, now living in Brandon, Miss., found her biological father in Friendship, Tennessee. Ironically, her father's last name was Jordan - the same last name as her ex-husband. In 1991, Cynthia moved to Memphis, Tennessee to be closer to her biological family and often visited her dad.
Sadly, Cynthia Crawford died on October 14, 2007 at the age of 60 in Tennessee. Cynthia had been dealing with a hepatitis infection and was in process for a liver transplant. She leaves a wonderful loving family, which consisted of her sons and several grandchildren. Cynthia never had contact with Christina or Christopher after Joan's death.
Cathy Crawford was in boarding school from age eight. Cathy also attended Vernon Court Junior College and eventually attended the Fashion Institute of Technology in the 1960s. Cathy Crawford and Jerome LaLonde married on August 10, 1968. They met in Alexandria Bay, New York. Jerome was in active duty in the Navy when they married. After the wedding and honeymoon, they moved to Norfolk, Virginia and stayed there until Jerome's enlistment was up. They moved back to Alexandria Bay, New York where Cathy had two children Carla and Casey. Shortly after their second child, Casey, was born the family moved to Allentown, Pennsylvania in 1972.
After Joan''s death in 1977, Cathy received $ 77,000 inheritance from Crawford's estate wand all inherited all of Joan Crawford's property including the 1946 Oscar for "Mildred Pierce." Jerome LaLonde and Cathy (Crawford) LaLonde separated in 1984. Cathy reconnected with her biological father via telephone in 1991. Cathy worked as a teacher's aide in Pennsylvania for most of the 1990s. In 1993, Cathy decided to sell Joan's Academy Award at auction.
Cathy currently resides in Pennsylvania. Cathy never had contact with Christopher after Joan's death and currently has not had any contact with Christina. Cathy's son, Casey, currently is involved with repairing his grandmother's image and answers letters from fans on this website under the "Ask Casey" page.
Thank you so so much for writing this. I've wanted to write something along these lines too, but never really knew much about any of her children except bitchy Christine.
ReplyDeleteI think this article is VERY telling. I don't think Joan Crawford has anything to do with the nasty attitudes Christopher and Christina had towards their mother. I really think Christina was jealous of her mother, and wanted more of her time like you said. I get SO angry when I see her talking trash about her mother on TCM and in documentaries.
Sounds like Christopher really was just a bad egg and it didn't have to do with Joan. I'm glad Cynthia and Cathy had a good relationship with their mother. Cynthia sounds like she had a sad life, but that was no fault of Joan's.
I get so angry when people take "Mommie Dearest" as the gospel truth and that's their only info on Joan. I hope Cathy's son succeeds in trying to help his grandmother!
Just because Crawford did not seem to be nasty to Cyntia and Cathy this does not mean that she was innocent and she really did not abuse the way do it the things that Christina complaint about. to Christina or Christopher. I know mothers who can use 'divide and conquer' to treat one child completely different than the other. And the child who is protected would not even know (or would not believe) as her belowed mother would abuse her siblings because the mother well cover her tracks to control the abuse. So I can truly understand why the twince had different experience than the Christina and Chris.
DeleteOf course, it is true. Joan Crawford had the same 'craziness' my mom did. A lot worse happens to others. What was so awful about Joan Crawford is she ADOPTED children to yell at. She dumped even the two she 'could stand" at 8 years old.
DeleteThey were props for her.
Anyone who would tell their son that his baby looks like a bastard in the one visit he made to her OBVIOUSLY is an even rotten neurotic narcissist. (however it is spelled)
I hate people like you, Pickens. Because it's people like you who ignored kids like me when they needed help. I suffered manipulative abuse at the hands of an insecure step mother for years. But of course when I'd act up (trying to get people's attention since I didn't understand how else to do it) and my step mother would complain about me to other adults, those adults would then scold me on her behalf, having NO CLUE what was truly going on. So thanks PICKENS for the playground you continue to endorse for abusers, by your sick and insensitive ability to open you eyes and consider for one moment, what might REALLY be going on behind a child's behavior. oh, and YOU SUCK
DeleteSo just because YOU were abused -- allegedly -- that means that no child is capable of lying about abuse, particularly decades later?
DeleteEvery child is right, and every parent is obviously lying ....
Does this capture your bizarre perception of reality?
I think adopting children was all for her image and her publics view of her. ONCE YOU HAVE THEM; THEY'RE YOURS DESPITE THE BEHAVIOR. Joan was most certainly bi-polar; the most telling is what she said to Bette Davis' daughter on the set of Baby Jane (online) that answered my questions
DeleteSometimes I just want to shout that not all children are equal in the same family!! My two stepchildren were raised with my son and were severely abused by their father in our home, much like the night rages of joan crawford. They both went down the path of dispair in their 20s but straightened out in their 30s. My son recalls little of the life with a mentally crazed person. Thank god for therapy for our children and I dumped him!!!!
DeleteThe Tennessee Children's Home Society was run by the infamous child kidnapper and black market baby snatcher Beulah Georgia Tann. This woman is known to have stolen 5000 children. Many wealthy stars used Georgia Tann to obtain the adoptees. June Allyson and Dick Powel also used Georgia Tann of the Tennessee Children's Home Society to obtain the adoptees. I guess money really does talk.
DeleteGood thing you did not write anything about these children, since you had no information about them...and don't even know her name is Christina, not Christine.
DeleteEveryone sticking up for Joan is crazy....read Psychopath Free....a book dedicated to psychopath narcissists...its a thing folks...its modern psychology & nowadays like "Me 2" movement...us survivors are talking about the abuse...it is the only way to begin healing from enormous neglect, emotional, physical, mental & sexual abuse as children...geez...does anyone care about the children??? They are all of our futures...what is wrong with you people...:-(((((
Deleteahhh yes Pickens,
ReplyDeleteSure Joan Crawford was a Saint. Parenting has nothing to do with the way children develop. These kids were adopted as infants and pre-toddlers. Read your psychology 101. I am sure (with no formal knowlege on the matter) there is fault on both ends. However, Joan's hearty legacy just about went with her to the grave. Great Mom...
Well like so many Hollywood parents, Joan Crawford was no angel, but she was not the monster that her daughter made her out to be.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to see at least one of her children tries to honor her legacy. Of course she made mistakes, of course she had some alcohol problems, but she also did a lot of good and left a strong artistic legacy. Everyone who is perfect, raise their hands...anyone?
ReplyDeleteThe fatal mistake Joan Crawford made...she never thought in a million years that one of her adopted children would grow up and be able to put into words the mental and emotional abuse she exhibited, leaving a sociopathic legacy!
ReplyDeleteWell said, Abesbabe. I was throwing some books out recently (only old paperbacks!) & found Mommie Dearest and am reading it again (even tho I've seen the movie a million times, especially when I think of my own abusive, narcissistic mother), but I keep forgetting to get B.D. Hymans book. There ARE reliable sources out there that know the truth. BTW~Bette & Joan were close friends and there WAS no feud. Joan always kept a framed photograph of herself & Bette.
DeleteI am disgusted to say the least at Mr. Lobosco's slanting his account of Christina Crawford's version of her own life's events and making it appear to have been a fabrication. He was not there during her growing from child to adult to see what actually happened. I'm sure that some artistic license was taken in the telling of her story. Reality is seldom vibrant enough to make a success of a book or movie. It is also my belief, however that Joan Crawford was abusive to the extreme where her children were concerned. Joan was the quintessential example of how a stressful life of a movie star mixed with a decadent self serving lifestyle will ruin the lives of the star and all those who have the misfortune to be a part of this roller coaster of a way of life.
ReplyDeleteTim, thank you for writing what you thought of an article. What I wrote is not for a book or a newspaper, but my own blog - so yes, it is my opinion and what I have gathered through different people I talked to. Again, yes it is my opinion that Joan might have been abusive but not to the degree that Christina said.
ReplyDeleteI agree as well that Christina's account in her book/movie was probably slanted a bit. I also don't believe she was flat out lying in her account as your blog entry insinuates. It is hardly a stretch that an artistic, perfectionist, alcoholic, with the stressors placed on Joan by her choice of career would have a psychotic personality. I believe Joan Crawford really had no business adopting any children at all, given her way of life.
Deleteand by the way information you get from conversations with others still amounts only to hearsay at besy.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Timothy that Joan Crawford has no business adopting children and maybe even did it for publicity. I added a few lines to the original story too.
ReplyDeleteIt is just odd that Joan would have been so abusive to Christina and Christopher but would not be to other adopted children. Bing Crosby has run into the same trouble as Crawford has with abuse allegations.
Bing was supposedly abusive to his four boys, but with his children from his second marriage he was a nice guy. Believe me, parenting skills or lack of just do not change.
The only thing we know is that we will never know the truth. Joan Crawford is gone. While we do not know if she was an abusive parent, we do not know that she wasn't one either.
No, no one outside of those involved personally, will ever have a right and true picture of what actually happened in the Crawford family. I do lean more toward believing Christina though because I have a hard time believing that anyone's child would simply fabricate such a story with no basis in fact. I have read several articles such as yours and far and away they they mostly were sharing of the same opinion as you. I just can't imagine under what circumstances would a child be so hateful towards a parent that was undeserving of it.
DeleteJust to let you know I grew up with 2 abusive parents and every child was treated differently. The oldest one(a sister) was never, ever hit but was put between my parents, both of them tried to make her an ally. My older brother was talented at fixing things, a hard worker. He was respected fot that. He was still treated abusively, but he would run away or fight back. So they laid off of him after awhile. I am the middle one. I was emotionally vulnerable, generally peaceful and obedient. I was a perfect victim. My father took out his violence on me. He would beat me in front of strangers. Knock me down and jump on me. Whip me in front of a room full of people. Emotionally abuse me. My younger brother was similarly abused but he was schizophrenic and he became violent. There was no way they could win with him, or influence him so they gave up on him and gave into him turning him into a spoiled rotten monster that always got his way. My younger sister is smart, talented but has her own issues, in particular with selfishness and anger. But she is ahead of everyone in one respect. Mom lived with her, and she managed to put every cent of mom's in her name, put mom on welfare and food stamps, free hot lunches, medicare- and every other freebie she could. When mom died, she refused to produce the will, handed everyone a bill for the funeral, and of course stole every last cent and posession of our legacy. NO, not everyone in my family was treated the same.
DeleteI must beg to differ. It's very common for an emotionally abusive parent to treat offspring very differently, depending on how each child reacts to correction or various punishments, or if he or she perhaps sadly reminds the parent of a hated or feared sibling. Some kids will develop a robotic personality to block out adult tantrums, and will excuse horrific behavior
Deletein an attempt to deal with trauma too.
My father was a WWII vet who had been captured and spent almost 3 years as a POW. There is a pattern of behavior in alcoholic families. The oldest child tends to be the child receiving the most abuse, in part because the oldest child has unrealistic demands of perfection placed on them. My younger sibling had a completely different experience with our parents. I was beaten regularly, and for infractions such as bring home a straight A report card with one A-. I was told I should have done better. My sibling was a solid B+ student. There were several years between us. Enough years to learn to establish that a B+ was her best. Also, younger children escape because much of the alcoholic's attention is focused on the older child. Power is also at play. The younger children receive favor by allying themselves with the alcoholic parent, who has the power. By joining in the abuse, they receive favor, not abuse. We also knew that the alcoholism was something shameful, and did everything to hide it, including accepting blame for things not our fault. I have no doubt that if I told the stories of abuse, no one would believe me because we worked so hard to hide it, and the blame was often focused on me. As a result, the younger children have a completely different experience, and view of what happened.
DeleteEven after obtaining several graduate degrees, my sibling still regards me as a screw-up. And, even though I know the pattern, it still hurts that my sibling regards me as defective, and refuses any type of relationship. Ironically, I'm told I need therapy, while my sibling denies any effects from growing up with a violent abusive alcoholic.
Interestingly, my mother now denies the beatings occurred as well. Her siblings now have little to do with her due to the way she has rewritten the past. Were it not for aunts, uncles, and cousins, it would be my word against that of my mother and sibling.
Only people who have lived with an alcoholic understand. The lying to protect the alcoholic, especially if the alcoholic is the breadwinner. There are serious economic consequences to outing the alcoholic and the reputation of the family.
I have stories that rival, if not trump Ms. Crawford's stories, as does any child of a violent alcoholic. Attend an Alanon meeting. Ms. Crawford's experiences are not unique, nor is the family dynamic.
It is hard to believe a child would fabricate a story but sometimes they do. A lot of it is out of bitterness and greed. Take for example Bing Crosby. Now I do know some people in the inner circle at the Crosby family. While he was not a great dad, he was absent most of the time, he was not the abusive monster that his son Gary portrayed him as.
ReplyDeleteAll of the allegations of abuse are grounded in truth I believe. I believe Joan Crawford was not a great mother, but I am just not convinced she was the monster that Christina or Mommie Dearest portrayed her.
We did not live there so I do not know if she did abuse them or not, can not say either way. My moms father abused her and her siblings but the next set of kids he did not. So goes to show you that sometimes certain kids are singled out.
ReplyDeleteJune Allyson was a neighbour of Crawford's at one time (back when June was married to Dick Powell)
ReplyDeleteShe witnessed the physical violence of Miss Crawford on more than one occasion. Joan was a perfectionist, with a cleaning fetish. She would have been hard to live with. I don't think any of the many Hollywood stars who were born in poverty and great hardship ever experienced the extreme poverty that Crawford did. Her father deserted the family and Joan's mother took in washing to make end meet. She started out in silent movies and worked her butt off to get acting parts in talkies.
She was a disciplinarian of herself,too. Never late, always knew her lines, became "difficult" when Mayer began giving plum roles to Greer Garson, and was bitter at being pipped at the post on more than one occasion by Norma Shearer.
She was the biggest female star at MGM, hugely popular with working class women whom she represented in her film roles as shop assistants,factory worker, or the loose "other woman".
Myrna Loy was a close friend of Joan's - they met during their days in silent movies.
Miss Loy was not one to be unkind about anyone, but she said Joan went out of her way to help Christina become the actress she desperately wanted to be, and that Chistina was rude,lazy, and largely untalented. So have many others.
The writing of Mommy Dearest was a vengeful,cowardly act - and the reason Joan (who knew of the books existence) cut her out of the will. Apparently Christina had been peddling the book around publishers when Joan was still alive. No-one would agree to publish it at that time,
dear mary, i am quite sure you believe this latter part, but it is simply not true.
DeleteMake up your mind. The prefix of your comment states that June Allyson witnessed Joan being violent. The last part depicts something based on revenge. Revenge for what? The prefix? Do you or do you not believe the shit? Yes or no?
DeleteAlso, to all the people here who speak with what seem's to be a degree of certainty. How long did you know Joan,where and when did you meet and can you please share all the juicy and intimate details of your friendship throughout the years until her death. I'm sure you have just wonderfull stories to contribute about the "good ole days" of you and Joans "friendship".
Don't worry.....I'll wait. *sigh*
Reading the comments here hits close to home. I am the survivor of abusive parenting...a mom who abused mentally and physically, and a father who hid his head in the sand instead of helping us.
ReplyDeleteI don't know the extent to which Crawford abused her children. But I would find it difficult to believe that she did not abuse them at all.
I would probably have been called difficult by outsiders to our situation because I felt I had to speak out against the injustice of my situation, not only for myself, but for the safety of my siblings. However, my own brothers and sisters thought that I was crazy not to say what my mother wanted to hear and then just do what I wanted behind her back. They said I was "asking for it."
Fortunately for me, I got away from my homelife and lived to see the day that my mother finally received help. We now have a good relationship and she is a happy woman...
Christina never got this chance...it's harder for her to heal under these circumstances. I hope some day she will.
I think, like most of us, Joan could be good and bad, at times. If you take each allegation by Christine and examine them, there are a number of incidences that could have been overblown by Christine. Children remember things differently than adults. A great example is Christine's experience of sitting at the dining room table refusing to eat a bloody piece of meat. I sat at the table a few times when I didn't clean up my plate, but my parents weren't abusers. That was common back in the 50s and now we know better, as a society, than to force children to eat something that way - but that doesn't make Joan Crawford a child abuser. Have you ever spoken to someone you love and you know for a fact that your voice was normal, but they accused you of screaming at them? Each of us has a perception of reality. Children do not necessarily remember events exactly as they occurred. That said, Joan may have been abusive and we will never know factually one way or the other.
ReplyDeleteI do think it is telling that the twins did not join in the book or movie. Lets think this fact through. Given the opportunity to participate in the book and movie, to make a lot of money off of the book and movie, to travel the US and make money from the publicity surrounding the claims of their older sister, the twins chose to live in relative anonymity and opt out of the whole thing. They chose not to make money on the situation. Thats a pretty powerful non-verbal statement. To me, that says "we believe our mother was good." Maybe the mother was good to the twins and horrible to the two older children, but its telling that the younger kids never spoke to their siblings again. Usually a younger kid in a family looks up to their older brother and sister so much they will believe anything they are told. What happened in that family to stop the younger children from adoring their older brother and sister? My gut instinct is the older children were bratty and drove people away from them.
I also remember reading that Joan Crawford had her ex-husband, Franchot Tone, moved into her apartment and cared for him when he died. I looked it up in a Joan Crawfor encyclopedia online: "By the 1960s Joan was pretty much taking car of a wheel chair bound Franchot Tone. She cared for him towards the end of his life. One of my favorite stories is a reporter came to interview Joan in her New York apartment and a man was in a wheelchair in the apartment during the entire interview. The reporter was so intrigued as to who this man was in the wheel chair, Joan never mentioned him or introduced them. As the reporter was leaving he politely asked Joan "Who is that man?" Joan replied "Oh, that's just Franchot." It was almost like they were an old married couple. Pretty sweet in away. Joan cared for him in a time of need; it showed how big of a heart Joan had. Franchot Tone died on September 18, 1968 in New York of lung cancer at the age of 63."
My final point is that there are sociopaths throughout our society. Was Joan a nutcase or was her oldest daughter a sociopath? Who is telling the truth? At first I believed Christine. As I matured, though, and as little blurbs came out about Joan's younger kids, I began to change my mind. I have to say I agree with David on this article. Follow the money. Who made money on the deal? My mom and dad were normal, never cursed one another, never fought, never beat us and were just incredible people, but my younger sister is a sociopath and my older brother was very abusive to me behind my parent's backs. The constant lies and manipulations from my sister have turned our family on it's head and once my narcissistic older brother moved out I rarely hear from him, which was good because he was mainly mean and nasty to me. There is a possibility the two older children were really screwed up and Christine could have embellished childhood memories or made up the whole thing.
If I had to bet money I'd say Joan was the good guy here.
The younger children didn't need to make money-THEY did get an inheritance. As an abused child who was singled out, whose brother and sister were treated differently by their biological father-who was my step-father,I know well, that children in the same family can be treated differently, can see a different side of a parent. And remember Christina was in boarding school, so there wouldn't have been a lot of opportunities for the younger children to see interactions between their mother and Christina and also being younger, there would be things that they would not be aware of, just because of their young age.
Deletetimothyscarberry wrote:
ReplyDelete"I am disgusted to say the least at Mr. Lobosco's slanting his account of Christina Crawford's version of her own life's events and making it appear to have been a fabrication. He was not there during her growing from child to adult to see what actually happened."
OK, fair enough, but in the next breath, he wrote:
" It is also my belief, however that Joan Crawford was abusive to the extreme where her children were concerned."
Were you there, timothyscarberry? You call another person's opinion of the situation "disgustingly slanted" based on the fact that this other person wasn't there, yet you are clearly completely convinced that Jaon Crawford was a dreadful abusive monster even though you obviously weren't there either.
After reading every piece of info I could find about both Joan Crawford and Christina, I am of the belief that Christina greatly exaggerated most of her story and told some outright lies as well. I wasn't there either, of course, but this is what the available evidence has led me to believe. Christina Crawford is, in my opinion, a selfish, jealous, greedy, lazy, ungrateful person. That's what most of the people who have actually known her seem to think, too.
I believe you have covered the issue as fairly as possible, considering the paucity of real evidence available.
DeleteAnother reason I tend to discount many of the more extreme claims in "Mommy Dearest" is the timing. Christina never brought the abuse issue forward until AFTER Joan Crawford was dead and she discovered that she had been cut out of the will. Do we detect a hint of "payback" in this book?
The fact that she was not supported by any of Joan's ex-husbands or friends doesn't help her case either -- nor does the absence of any corroboration from the two younger girls.
No one can ever be certain, of course, but it's pretty clear that there is no real evidence to tar Joan Crawford with the abuser brush.
Might be nice if you got your facts in order. Example, Christina and Joan had a truce from 1966 when CC got married; they last saw each other in 1970, two years after the Sept 1968 Labor Day MDA Telethon. Also, CC came to Joan in 1939, not 1940. There is ample proof of this, including home movies with date information.
ReplyDeleteTo Anonymous who stated that "children remember things differently than adults" is correct; children remember things accurately. Children are innocent creatures and do not have the selective memory of guilty adults. Perception is reality to the child being abused whether it is the 1950's or 2013. Christina Crawford had every right to tell her story, whose reasons should be known to her Mother.
ReplyDeleteReasons known to her Mother most certainly are that CHRISTINA is a brat and ungrateful to boot.
DeleteNonsense. You're telling us that children never lie? Ask any divorce court attorney or judge.
DeleteBesides, Christina didn't put forth any of these claims until she was an adult -- and then only when Crawford wasn't around to defend herself, and after Christina found out that Crawford had cut her out of the will completely.
To the anonymous that states that children don't have selective memory: I'm sure you remember everything that happened during your childhood. Perhaps you were born an adult. They are called children for a reason. Mod course they don't remember everything. Sometimes they remember what they want to remember and not the actual event as it happened. Children have way more vivid imaginations than adults. It's called 3rd grade storytelling.
ReplyDeleteI do not doubt what Christina thinks is the truth about her experience. It is her truth, whether wrong or right. She hWas to live with it and no one else.
So true.
DeleteA fit of rage a parent throws because the kids are easy victims and the parents feel they can get by with it,,,, that fit is later forgotten the parent as just a bad mood, etc... But to the child it is a BIG deal and they do remember it. The parent in Control does not remember the abuse, yelling, raging that they did in the same way as the young victim who had no control in the situation. Believe me the child remembers and the parent later will say, "oh, that never happened" right to your face!
DeleteI would love to know in great detail exactly how everyone here knows for a fact that Joan Crawford was not the alcoholic child beating monster Christina made her out to be. In those days mental health was not recognised. Just because someone wakes up one day and decides to become a parent thus adopting does not automatically make them a great parent. Adopting is not doing the child a favour and should not be done to boost ones ego or career and i feel this is what happened here. Such a sad and tragic life to lead.
ReplyDeleteCome on people, take a moment - think! Everyone except a rare few were abused if they were born in the 1960's or earlier. Think about the changing times. Where were you during each period. Prior to the 1970's, beating a child was not considered child-abuse. Beatings were an acceptable way to discipline a child. Anyone who did not get 'spankings' were part of a very small group. First, we got the paddle in school / often combined with Chinese tortures and then were beaten by our parents when we got home- for getting into trouble in school. Girls in my school took turns walking close behind one another, so everyone didn't see how bad the welts on our legs were from our father's belts.
ReplyDeleteThese days, parents must fear their children. If a teenager refuses to et out of bed for school and a parent pulls their teenager out of the bed, the parent will end up in court. If a parent cannot get their teenager to go to school, the parent goes to court for not getting them to school.
After having been a high school teacher for approximately 28 years, I just loved your response. I was a child in the 60s and 70s, and my parents were very 40s and 50s oriented. This was how we were raised, and we children did not know anything different. As far as parenting today, I think some of these parents are afraid of their own children, and they are very much lacking in parenting skills. Come on parents of the 2000s; get more tough!
DeleteHow do you know exactly what happen. The twins were 7 years younger. You twins were not there for Christina's entire childhood with your mother. I believe Christina that alot of this mistreatment could have happen. Joan had mental issue. She could have been Bi-polar. Christina was off at boarding school when you guys were young. Sometimes different kids get treated differently!!!!! Maybe you twins kissed your moms butt and Christina did not. This may be why Christina was treated differently. Christopher belted to his bed are you telling me this was not true?
ReplyDeleteAs being abused myself, ive read how parents choose favorites and they do not only did my mother beat me, my oldest brother sexually asaulted me and beat me too, so unless you are there you have no idea of the pain, that parents can show one child and not the others, this brother that abused me is the only one her favorite that speaks to her to this day, out of 4 of us speaks volumes doesnt it , there is enough pain christine probally feels, no one has a right to judge her accounts as she remembers, unless you have lived abuse you can never imagine what you carry through your whole life with it, so dont call someone a spoiled brat as you have no idea what her life is like ty,
ReplyDeleteWow!!. I believe every word CHRISTINA wrote because i've lived through it! .
ReplyDeleteOne very big sign of abused children, is they are labeled "difficult", all abusers claim the children are difficult and the children act out because of the abuse. I think Christina went through everything she claims and that Joan's latter children have no idea of how Joan raised the former children. Remember Joan died of alcoholism, alcoholics are very unpredictable and unstable.
ReplyDeleteI have a cousin that could easily be labeled a spoiled brat. She lives in a nice house and has every "thing" a kid could dream of, but is not appreciative or respectful. Coincidentally, her mother is mentally abusive to her, favors her sibling, brings her to a psychiatrist for "acting out" and will rant and rage about random, inconsequential demands that she places on the daughter. So, if my cousin were to write a "Mommie Dearest" type of book, it would be 100% accurate....and if you were to ask me if the kid was a spoiled, rude, brat, I would say that yes, that too is 100% accurate.
ReplyDeleteSo there is merit to both sides of the story.
Last night I saw on TV a friend of Joan saying the following: Joan and I were talking once and there was a box of chocolates on a table and the little boy, who was 4 years old, asked her if he could have some. Joan answered "yes, you can have one". After, the boy tried to take another chocolate without her permission, but she saw him and told him "now you are going to eat the whole box". That poor little boy had to eat the whole box. He probably got sick, after all he was 4 years old.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a polarizing issue when it really shouldn't be. Joan Crawford's fans see her as unassailable and beyond reproach. They vehemently defend her innocence while refusing to even consider any of Christina's testimony. Since none of us were there, we will never know. Personally, I am obliged to believe Christina who I empathize with and feel badly for her pain. The caustic comments written about her and Christopher's character in this blog are appalling. I have seen Joan in interviews and recognize delusional narcissism and OCD. It's not hard to imagine her going over the edge enough to freak out on her children. You people need to be less star struck and wake up to the reality that she was flawed,
ReplyDeleteI went to Marymount School in Palos Verdes, California, with Cathy and Cindy Crawford and am saddened to read of Cindy's passing. I stayed after school with the "boarders" until my working mother (unusual with this school's mostly privileged students) could pick me up. I occasionally went to study hall with Cindy and although she was about 2 years older she was always so friendly and helpful. I also remember she was good at sports and competitive. Cathy was more quiet. I remember how beautiful their mom looked at their 8th grade graduation. She arrived in a dark gray Cadillac Eldorado driven by a uniformed chauffeur. It made quite an impression on me as a young girl. I never forgot Cathy and Cindy, their friendliness and lack of pretentiousness...
ReplyDeleteJoan Crawford spent hundreds of thousands of her hard-earned dollars to provide excellent educations as well as healthcare for her children. They didn't (or couldn't) make the most of it. I understand she found Christina a job at a picture studio to help advance her career, but she quit it. Who paid for Christina's wedding? I think Christina coveted Joan's life and success. She should have built her own life, especially given the educational opportunities Joan afforded her.
ReplyDeleteThe subject of Joan Crawford is always a polarizing one. Some people believe every word Christina wrote while others simply cannot fathom that a great star like Crawford could abuse her children. I've always thought the truth likely lies somewhere in the middle.
ReplyDeleteI think it's established fact that Joan was a victim of child abuse herself and was a notorious control freak. She thrived in an environment that was strictly regimented and was perfectionist. I think she felt others would excel in that same kind of environment. If you read her "lifestyle" book, My Way of Life, it sheds some light on what it was like to live with her. She planned every single second of every single day, loathed disruptions and did not abide disorganization in any way. That's not always the greatest way to raise happy, healthy children.
As for Christina's many claims, I think there's a kernel of truth to some but a high level of exaggeration (or artistic license if you will) to most stories. I believe that Joan and Christina likely did have a strained relationship because they were two completely different personalities that didn't mesh. However, I think Christina's behavior in recent years reveals more about her personality and agenda. She will basically go to the opening of an envelope if it affords her a chance to talk about Joan. At one point, she decided the claims in Mommie Dearest weren't scandalous enough and began claiming that Joan was in a stag film before she was signed to MGM (a long since debunked myth along the lines of Lupe Velez drowning in her toilet) and that Joan possibly killed her last husband, Alfred Steele! That's just a bit too much for me to take seriously.
If Christina was the victim of awful abuse, I think it would behoove her to seek counseling instead of trotting her mother's corpse out to flog yet again. At this point, I don't see how it is still helpful to her or any other victims of abuse. At 76 (at the time of this writing), it's time for her to move on.
I believe in life the truth lies somewhere in the middle. Joan was a perfectionist and authoritarian with the children, but the twins came along about 8 years after Christina so no they wouldn't be aware of all the abuse.
ReplyDeleteHowever it seems to me she and perhaps her brother were arrogant, as with the chocolate candy episode, when my parents said you may have one, I din't question their authority. I was reading about Shirley Temple once, she said one time J. Crawford came to visit her bringing Christopher along, she recalls Miss Crawford slapping her son and Joan gave Shirley a puppy which died the following day. However who knows if this is true.
Excuse me, but I was under the assumption (having read it) that Joan's two younger daughters were NOT twins, and were adopted a few months apart from different places. Joan started calling them "The Twins", and it stuck, but the two girls were not biologically related!
ReplyDeleteIn my family,tho i just turned 61,my sister and I always used to say when Mommie Dearest was on tv,there was our mother.I saw it was on today and I thought,my sister died recently and my witness is now gone. Only my mother was worse than Joan I would bet; she would come storming in my room late at night,scream at me like a banshee; then she used to throw everything out of every drawer in my dresser,desk,every item hanging in the closet,all in a heap on the floor and stand there and rant and rave (and tell me what an 8 year old could have done to deserve that?),and then scream NOW YOU CAN CLEAN IT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wasn't beaten with the hangers but they were thrown at me,along with books.and night after night of that,for months on end. How NOT strange that it caused an 8 ear old child to end up with a 5 month case of mononuclueosis in which I had to stay home from school. Still have a phobia about getting bloodtests because they had to test me every two weeks, and I remember, running away from doctors in the medical center and getting to the front door and being carried back screaming. My sister shared my room, 2 years older than me and witnessed this non stop and I always said it was what made her become so belligerent in life.my brother slept on another floor and my father either slept thru it all or just let the nut job do what she wanted because he had been brought up with a loving, quiet ,genteel mother who wouldn't have known how to raise her voice if you paid her.She used to threaten to give me away to the children's shelter for whatever I had done that was so horrible;for instance losing her ring down a chair when I was playing with it,altho she definitley found it because she actually gave it to me for my 35th birthday saying I "deserved it".For that 'crime' she convinced my father to pretend to take me to the "childrens shelter";packed my suitcase ,had him drag me down the driveway and I still remember looking up and seeing my sister and brother staring out the 2nd floor bathroom window at it all.WHen I threw up in the driveway, he stopped and brought me back in the house. I am proud to say I never let her see me cry after she left my room,never cried in front of her and at the age of 8 ,I knew she was crazy. But what people don't get,back then, it simply did not even OCCUR to any kid to tell anyone about this kind of thing;it was just my life. And let me tell you; I figured a lot out years later; my insomnia and anxiety attacks later on came from all that crazy;but also that I was dealing with a paranoid narcissist,border line sociopath.Because she was and IS,at the age of 92,exactly the same;Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde,Ted Bundy in little old lady clothes. Charming ,and sweet tot others but when the doors are closed,damn, I have the evil one on video threatenign, to throw dishes in my bed because they were in a drain board longer than she liked.And holding them up with a cane over her arm yet.And less than 5 feet high. NO ONE knwos what really goes on behind closed doors unless they are there......and my brother was treated like a prince by my mother, my sis was my dad's favorite and me, the youngest...ha; defintiely not spoiled!But my sister always remembered and even told her boyfriend all the shit that was done to me ,because he told me so. People can hide their twistedness very well.......
ReplyDeleteHere are few common points I think people are overlooking here:
ReplyDeleteThere have been many accounts that demonstrated that Joan Crawford did abuse alcohol and even demonstrated some types of personality disorders.
When people reference "how happy" all the kids look in photos, that is ridiculous, in that time photos were done for publicity and each one was staged. Down to the lipstick shade used.
As for accounts of her children being bratty (Christina and Christopher), kids can be bratty but also this could be in an indication of kids lashing out at someone who they don't respect either. This can be evident in children of abuse.
I think its not a stretch, given how Hollywood is, and how it was common knowledge Joan really put her career before anything that the kids were merely a device to some extent. To rejuvenate her "box office poison" moniker and her career. Joan also came from an abusive family herself which is another strong indicator that she would be abusive to her own children, not always but psychologically it does get passed down. Now this doesn't mean she didn't love her kids, abusive people love their kids, but their type of love comes from their own "reality" of what love is.
It is also very possible that Christina & Christopher experienced a much more tragic childhood than the other 2 girls. Someone who is mentally ill can go either way sometimes.
If there was no evidence at all that supported Christina and Christopher's claim that is one thing, but the reality is, there is. I know Joan was beloved but she was known to be troubled and I think the worst thing to do is dismiss someone who very well could of been a victim of abuse.
Something happened to both these kids that is undeniable.
I think for people to post how Joan is amazing without even knowing what happened is ridiculous. Dismissing and calling children who are claiming they were abused as liars, again, is ridiculous and VILE.
Joan Crawford has passed away, no, she cannot speak for herself but something did happened to both Christina and Christopher that caused them to have this opinion of Joan. To say it was purely financially motivated at this point AGAIN is not plausible.
I see so many sites and blogs painting Joan as this perfect Goddess of the screen - the reality is we are all human and Joan, more than anyone, is not without her demons.
There's some truth in all lies
ReplyDeleteJoan Crawford did not have a good upbringing. Her own mother treated her like garbage, and Joan was on her own from a very young age. So she had no role model to base her own mothering. Also remember the times - when I was a kid, it was normal for a kid to get beat. When my sisters and I started babysitting, we beat the kids we were supposed to care for, since we thought that is what everyone did when kids misbehaved. When the parents would explain to us that we were not to lay a hand on their kids, we realized these kids we lucky, unlike us who had it rough. Anyway, i have seen many photos of the older Christina with Joan, laughing and seeming to enjoy each other's company. I may have been in total disagreement with my own mother's style of parenting, but she was following her own mother's style, which was getting a beating. Also, Joan wasn't the monster Christina portrays her to be. When Joan's ex-husband Franchot Tone was dying, Joan cared for him, paying his bills and buying his medications from her own money. He wanted to remarry her, and she said no, but continued to care for him. When my own mother was dying, as mad as I was at her for how she used to beat and verbally cut us down to nothing, I cared for her in my home until she died. Christina wrote her book after she found out Joan cut her out of her will. From things Christina wrote in her book, I gathered that she asked Joan for money on many occasions as a young adult trying to make it on her own, and Joan (who wasn't earning what she used to) possibly felt Christina (and possibly Christopher did the same thing) had already received her share of whatever Joan had saved. But Christina and Christopher fought the will, and received $27,500 each ($114,000 in today's money), while the "twins" got $77,500 each (approx $321,000 today). A respectable amount of money. Joan may have realized she got herself into something she really had no idea what to do when she adopted the kids. She was probably stressed beyond measure since she was the breadwinner with 4 kids, and wasn't getting any younger. An Academy Award winner who worked for MGM for approximately 25 years (from the silent era) relegated to making crap like "Trog", or introducing horror movies. Anyway, I always say there are two sides to every story, and the truth lies somewhere in the middle. I the Movie Mommie Dearest, Christina came across as a rotten, spoiled brat who had a smart mouth. Get over it Christina, be grateful you had a mother at all, some kids never have one.
ReplyDeleteI am the oldest child of six children. I received the worst of the abuse of my mother. The next two siblings, a sister and brother, were not abused. The middle sister, ten years my junior, received much the same abuse as did I. In fact, one day she was telling of when she was beaten with the vacuum cleaner attachments until she wet herself. I interrupted her to say, I think you are confused because that happened to me. We have figured out, to our surprise and horror that she did it to each of us. For the most part, we did not know for what transgressions we were beaten. The last two, brothers, were 5 1/2 years and 7 years younger than our middle sister. They saw much of the abuse to my youngest sister, who I feel got the worst of it, but knew to stay silent.
ReplyDeleteThe two siblings immediately after me claim not to have seen any of it. Actually, that sister certainly did, being sandwiched between me and our other sister (her coping mechanism is denial). I believe my brother did not. In fact, he says he believes us, he just cannot understand how on earth he lived with it going on around him and missed it. An abuser can be very clever in who they allow to see what they do that they know to be abhorrent behavior. They instill deep fear into their children to never tell what happens "in private". They are often pillars of their communities.
The youngest (two brothers) were essentially raised by our sister and a "different set of parents". They saw what happened to our sister. I had moved away as soon as I was out of school, so they barely know me as their sister, let alone the abuse I received. They grew up mostly ignored - they were clothed, fed, taken to sports events, etc. so it was not abuse in its classic form. But, to not be "seen" is an abuse that can leave even deeper scars.
The emotional abuse my sister and I received trumped our beatings and indiscriminate swats at the head or whatever body part was in reach with whatever was available to her with which to hit us. As for the emotional scars, for example, to hear your Mother tell you that she made one mistake (having me) and would pay for it the rest of her life - is a pain that stays with you always - not just until bruises fade away. Nothing my sister and I did was ever right. Wondering why you Mother did love you as she did your siblings was intolerable. You can imagine our self-esteem.
For any of us to consider for a moment telling anyone what was happening was just not an option. No one would have believed me/us. Mom would have learned about it, and the repercussions would have been Hell. I heard from classmates and neighbors all my life how lucky I was to have such a wonderful Mother. It is almost like yet another stake in the heart because the only answer that would not bring consequences was to silently smile.
I grew, over the years after I escaped her reach, to forgive her as I believe she did the best she could - she clearly had problems of her own. I loved my father and he was good to me. He disciplined me, but it was clear what my offense was and the punishment was reasonable. I will never know if (or how much) he knew about what happened in that house when he was not home.
At the age of 64, I grieved when my mother died; however, I was grieving that I was not really grieving her loss. Rather, I was sad she had died because she was my Mother whose approval I worked very hard to gain, but ever did. What I really grieved is that I did not feel the loss of a mother's love or the bond one is supposed to feel with their mother.
I have no idea what happened in the Crawford family, and I suspect no one else can really know that either. But, if any of those children were abused by their mother, and if they hear from others that they most likely were just brats, my heart goes out to them. I understand that pain.
There is no doubt in my mind that jo anne crawford did the things she did to both christina and christopher crawford. Anybody who treats the mother as a victim and children of 1-18 years of age is an abuser them selves or in complete denial of their own abuse they received from their parents or otherwise. Alcohol combined with prescription drugs in it self lends to behavior disorders, violent outbursts, and eradict behavior. This combined with an abusive, unstable, inpoverished child hood and a stressful career in acting dependent on age does not produce a loving, caring, guiding, nurturing parent or caregiver. Moreover the very fact, that the three children all ended up on welfare, moderate education, and unskilled jobs compared to a famous, millionaire actress as a mother speaks for itself. The very fact that Christopher ran away at the age of 7 and several times after she held his hand in a fireplace resulting in 3rd degree burns, speaks for itself. The few facts out of a 17 year period actually an 11 year period, before she shipped them off to boarding school tells that the abuse was severe. It is hardly a new fact of the narcissistic behavioral disorder which consists of a abusive, sadistic, control freak to keep the narcissistic on top. The children never achieve beyond parents success. Jo Anne crawford may have indeed been a great actress, but a great con is also a great actress. What makes an actress like jo anne crawford acceptable to the public,who is abusive to innocent children is the press and all adults for that matter, the glamour, house, jewels, clothes, and make up. But as soon as this is lost, immediately the people dismiss this famous actress and only feel pity for her. This is the epitome of shallowness. So please spare the public any defense against the lie of maltreatment from Jo Anne Crawford to her children and anybody else for that matter. The tell tale sign of an abusive parent is that all of her children are deceased and died in poverty, except Christina and Cathy at the young age of 60 something. All these charities who are constantly receiving money and asking for money, whom she gave the majority of her millions to, should be giving this money to her remaining children and grandchildren. That is the only thing that would redeem Jo Anne Crawford in my eyes. To conclude, the best con is the best actor. A con is always abusive. The best actor is somebody who conveys the roll of a situation, but treats staff, strangers, her husband and children with dignity, care, guidance, nurturing love, that is reflected in the success and happiness of their own lives and so on in the public and behind closed doors. Moral of Jo Anne Crawford is if you don't treat your family, adopted or otherwise better than you treat a total stranger, don't adopt or have children. It should be law!
ReplyDeleteWell said.
ReplyDeleteThankfully Joan changed her daughter's name to Christina - there was only one Joan Crawford, and Joan wanted the whole world to know that tip for adopting a child
ReplyDeleteI've no doubt Joan Crawford was a narcissistic control freak who had alcolic rages.
ReplyDeleteJoan Crawford was a very good actress who was astute at hiding her true personality to the public. The reason why child abuse is ignored by so many people, is because the role of a mother,or a father is hard one to play. It is so wrong to blame the children for the sins of their parents, when the fruit of the vine does not fall far from the tree. The fact that there were witnesses,hard feelings from any of her children and that none of her children did well in life, speaks volumes about her failure in her role as a mother, regardless of anything else said. It is time to stop this debate and put Joan in the ground for good. All abuse survivors know that there are always going to be people who defend the indefensible and chose lies over the truth. Image is more important to Hollywood than reality. It never changes the truth. It doesn't alter the fact that she failed in what should have been her most important roles. Treat the children well, raise them well and love them above yourself or there is no one to blame for their behavior but you. They fail, you fail. End of story. Mommie and Daddy Dearest.
ReplyDeleteI did not know either Joan or Christina but tend to believe Christina was telling the truth. Her account is filled with love and pain that rings true. The idea is though, that Joan was probably not a bad person. The way she looks at her children in unguarded pictures is very telling. I am not excusing what Joan allegedly did, if she did. But she may have gotten in over her head. Joan apparently had a horrific childhood. It took a lot of strength to overcome it. But I think it cost her something too. In her mind, her new life was going to be perfect. Her children would be happy and loving and Brady Bunch. ( which was not around yet but still an ideal). I am sure she meant all those loving notes she wrote to the infant Christina. But she was never able to reconcile an ideal with the reality of motherhood. Her children in some way were supposed to make up for All the disappointments. She was never mature enough to be a mom, particularly of a bright, outspoken child, which Christina probably was. When reality set in, the rage from h÷r own childhood abuse, and disappointment, must have returned. She could not control her kids and make everything new for herself. They could not validate their mother. The child is never meant to be the mother. Add to this drinking heavily for years and you have a recipe for disaster. Christina was probably mouthy. Joan could not stand disrespect. She had worked hard to Be Somebody, and no child was going to take that away. In the end, her relationship with her younger children might have been better because they might have been more docile. Joan might have mistaken obedience levels for affection. I feel sorry for both. If I could talk to Christina, I would let her know I am Certain her mom loved her. But the moral of the story is children are Not dolls. You damage them when you are damaged and Not ready to be a parent. For many, being a parent is not a Brady Bunch experience. It might be more like Jason or Freddie. (Just kidding). But it is not ever Easy, and the parent must be willing to be a parent, and put the child's needs ahead of their own.
ReplyDeleteI believe Christina because my mother was the same way. The rage depicted in "Mommie Dearest" is so close to how my mother's temper tantrums used to be, I actually adopted the movie title in place of her name when describing her behavior to others. And believe me, people with that personality disorder are experts when it comes to gaslighting and hiding the real truth in front of friends and relatives. My mother could turn that stuff on and off like a light switch at will. I ran away from a beautiful home I was miserable in the day I turned 18 and made my own way ever since. The thing is? When a person has that built-in mean streak, they have to abuse and take their anger out on somebody, so when I moved out, she no longer had me around for a target. Her controlling, abusive personality revealed itself to others eventually and the truth surfaced. I still would visit my mother on occasion and for short intervals simply because she was my family. After becoming an adult and out of reach from her abuse, I actually felt kind of sorry for her. I've never understood how someone could have everything good in life, including a loving husband, and be so miserable. Creating problems that don't exist, screaming, yelling and breaking things, and the names and things she called me through the years are so demented and evil, I won't repeat them here or anywhere else for that matter. I thank God everyday of my life that I didn't turn out to be like her. She's my mother and I still love her, but I've never liked her as a person nor garnered much respect for her due to her deplorable actions. Nobody's without faults including myself, but I can honestly go to my future grave with a clear conscience knowing that I have never once in my entire life treated any person or animal with anything but kindness, empathy, care and understanding. I'm like my grandmother. She was a nurse and a healer. Some of us are born to ease pain while others unfortunately inflict and cause it. I stopped asking "Why?" a long time ago because sometimes there's just no logical explanation. Just the way things are. We just have to move on and keep going until one day we can't, trying to make the best of it for ourselves and the ones we care for. I've found life to be much better and easier by stearing clear of toxic people. Most of them can't be fixed and they'll only drag you down.
ReplyDeleteYou acknowledge that you loved your Father and that your Mom hid her abhorrent behavior from others. Did you ever consider that perhaps the same occured with Mom and Dad? Maybe his abuse of your Mother was hidden as hers was towards you? I am not saying this was the case nut is it possible? I'm sorry that you had the Maternal experiences that you had. Being mean to others is never excusable. God Bless you
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